Caulton Tudor

Holiday gifts for one and all

Posted December 18, 2013

Cam Newton (1) for the Carolina Panthers. St. Louis Rams visiting the Carolina Panthers on Sunday October 20, 2013. Rams first play from scrimmage was intercepted and returned for a TD and the Panthers never looked back with a hime victory of 30-15. Photo by CHRIS BAIRD

Roy Williams: PJs. One set to put on at bedtime and another, the hand-woven Hairston brand, to put on the basketball court. And a midnight snack from McDonald’s. Sweet dreams.

Dave Doeren: Eleven Pipers. All piping up winning ways, followed by 10 Lords A Leaping after each NCSU football victory in ’14. Wuff.

Daniel Snyder: Bag of switches. The Redskins owner has been a bad boy and deserves a spanking but not the sort his team already has 11 of this season. Beat it.

Mike Krzyzewski: Cowboy hat, Roy Rogers, 10-gallon variety. Something cool to wear to the Final Four in Arlington, Texas. Remember the Alamodome.

Elliott Avent & Mike Fox: Omaha steaks. A second helping please, and this time in the College World Series championship round. Play ball.

John Swofford: Volley cheer. Sent on high and loud enough shake down thunder from the sky in South Bend, Ind., where a decision will have to soon be made about how best to position the Notre Dame football team for an inevitable playoff format. Onward to victory.

Roger Clemens: Tourist map, upstate New York area. A route to Cooperstown. And a travel bus with enough seats for Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, A-Rod, Ryan Braun and on and on. Road trip.

David Cutcliffe: Hotlanta hot night. A dream ending to a dream season with a Duke win over Texas A&M in the Chick-fil-A Bowl. Cut ‘em and cook ‘em.

Cam Newton: Phone booth, a mobile model. Move it from sideline to sideline and make sure there is room enough for Clark Kent to slip into his Superman suit. Is it a bird?

Larry Fedora: Red Bull at night (coach’s delight) and a Belk Bowl gift win card. Charge.

Mark Gottfried: Turtle soup and cake. On Jan. 20, the Wolfpack hosts Maryland on Gottfried’s 50th birthday. He'll need enough to serve an overflow audience in the PNC Arena. Best wishes.

Ruffin McNeill: Bo Derek poster. Pirates haven’t rolled a 10 since that 11-1 run in 1991. A win over Ohio Monday in the bowl game and it’ll be a 10-3 finish. Arrgh.

East Carolina routs UNC, 55-31 McNeill: Get in the car, Pirate fans

Webb Simpson: Green blazer, 44-long. Presented by Adam Scott. Amen. Corner.

Mack Brown: Cats Paw shoes. Perfect for landing on one’s feet. Claw back, Mack.

Cam Ward: Long beard. One for the playoffs. Something that would make the Dodgers’ Brian Wilson or the entire Duck Dynasty cast envious. Say no.

Diz Tudor: Tennis lesson from Coach Cannon. From me, for helping with this column. Aces high.

6 Comments

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  • BlueDeviIs00 Dec 19, 7:41 a.m.

    Haha awesome article Caulton!

  • mittnfriends Dec 18, 8:42 p.m.

    Yeah come on call it Christmas quit trying to be politically correct

    — Posted by wkmeekins

    It's not about being PC; it's about common sense. The holiday season, during this time of year, is more than just one fairy tale. There's these other events that happen too, like Kwanzaa and Hanukkah... even New Years Eve- oh my!

    What would be politically correct for the political team that is lying on it's right side about now would be to denounce Christmas. It's done nothing, but destroy our country! Kids are taught that, no matter what, EVERYONE deserves free stuff. Obama continues to enslave the big ole jolly white man into giving handouts to all the little black kids and illegals. RAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWRRRRR

  • wkmeekins Dec 18, 7:33 p.m.

    Yeah come on call it Christmas quit trying to be politically correct

  • rushbot Dec 18, 4:28 p.m.

    this was dreadful.....

  • buco Dec 18, 2:42 p.m.

    What was this about? Does he get paid for this or is it a hobby?

  • me2you Dec 18, 2:16 p.m.

    Christmas gifts.

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