The Olympic$ Shimmy Sham, by ML

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  • davidvanwagener Nov 29, 2010

    This was my favorite line: "I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the crime in the street and the lousy hockey."

    Nice equivalency.

  • mortonlipschitz Sep 28, 2010

    I just realized this thread has the most views in the entire Hurricanes forum.

    Here comes the confetti! Balloons! This is too much. So many people to thank....where do I begin? edits, jgunn, kennywalters, devilishhockeygirl or whatever. Who am I forgetting? korn something. bpayne, evenflow. Sham Ward. Bathroom Staal, Rid Brind'aless. But most of all...I couldn't have done this without you. Our bestest buddy and big toe, Jim Rutherford.

  • mortonlipschitz Apr 7, 2010

    hi everybody!

  • heelman73 Apr 5, 2010
    Sports Legend

    What kind of idiot would resurrect this thread?

  • edits Apr 5, 2010
    Sports Legend

    Morty, point taken.

  • The Dire_Wolf Mar 24, 2010
    Sports Legend

    ^ Wow, I guess one of the side effects of marijuana really is paranoia. That was a hilarious read though. We all have those days when we think the world is going to end and we need to start stockpiling on guns and food and build a fortified compound out in the woods and become survivalists.....oh wait maybe not.

  • mortonlipschitz Mar 24, 2010

    View quoted thread

    Edits, I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth of Hurricanes souvenirs, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TV's while some newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes and the Hurricanes lost again, as if that's the way it's supposed to be. We know things are bad - worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone."

    Well, I'm not going to leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot - I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the crime in the street and the lousy hockey. All I know is that first you've got to get mad. You've got to say, "I'm a HUMAN BEING, dammit! My life has VALUE!"

    So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, "I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"

  • edits Mar 18, 2010
    Sports Legend

    Morton! Where in the world did all of this come from? I don't think I have ever see more than one to five liners from you. Are you really upset about this? If you are, don't be. None of us should knock any time off of our lives over things or circumstances of which we have no control.
    I personally don't think the Olympics were rigged and I don't really care. I had a good time watching them none the less.

  • mortonlipschitz Mar 8, 2010

    If my name was wormwood33 I would not change it.

    Say, I would like to thank all the readers who've emailed me privately with words of encouragement. I love hearing from my supporters...."Schitz Heads" as I affectionately refer to them.

  • wormwood33 Mar 2, 2010
    Sports Legend

    If my name was Morton Lipschitz I would change Elmo Lipschitz.

  • evenflow2005 Mar 2, 2010

    View quoted thread

    I've met a lot of people in my life. But I must say, your a strange MF.

  • mortonlipschitz Mar 2, 2010


  • bpayne812-take two Mar 2, 2010
    Sports Legend

    View quoted thread

    what a geek, loser, nerd, tool and whatever else I am allowed to call somebody on here that won't get flagged

    PLEASE never ruin the best scene from "A Few Good Men" again

  • mortonlipschitz Mar 2, 2010

    Son, we live in a world that has sports integrity, and that integrity has to be guarded by men with laptops posting on this site. Whose gonna do it? You? You, jgunn? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Cam Ward, and you curse Peter Laviolette. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That the Hurricanes record, while tragic, probably saved people money. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves people money. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me posting on this wall, you need me posting on this wall.

    We use words like Sham; overrated; choke job. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent describing the Hurricanes performance. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the very blanket of the freedom which my posts provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a $15 Stormy refrigerator magnet, and find a seat. Either way, I don't give a da** what you think you are entitled to!

  • evenflow2005 Mar 2, 2010

    It's funny how Mort stays so uptight, mad, and paranoid, about how much money is going into the pockets of the hockey players and the league, but it seems he keeps up with hockey just as much as all of us avid Hurricanes fans that post on this board. He just watches the games with a different attitude.

  • mortonlipschitz Mar 1, 2010

    Who said anything about the IOC? Nor did I state the Ru$$ian and Fin squads in their entirety were in on anything. Essentially all I've said was look at the goaltending. And think about who would stand to gain from a USA-Canada final. Frankly its not a big stretch...downright obvious really.

    But alas, nobody is willing to see what is right in front of them. All I can do is lead the horse to water.

  • kennywalters Mar 1, 2010
    Sports Legend

    That argument makes no sense. What? The IOC paid off the Russians and Fins to throw the games?

  • bpayne812-take two Mar 1, 2010
    Sports Legend

    View quoted thread

    just come back when you have something relevant

  • mortonlipschitz Mar 1, 2010

    Take another look at the goals that Nabokov allowed against after another. Then watch him real close after he was finally benched. No anger or frustration whatsoever. Ovechkin suspiciously absent from the box score. Canada then goes on to struggle against Slovakia...

    And then, as kennywalters mentioned....the US going up 6-0 on Finland, which, and I quote, "had its share of NHL players...."

    My point here was never about who the two best teams really are.

  • kornisgreat Mar 1, 2010
    All Star

    Don't worry about Morton he just comes out of his shell when he has something non important to say.

  • kennywalters Mar 1, 2010
    Sports Legend

    The US team dismantled Finland which had its fair share of NHL players too. No doubt in my mind that Canada and the US were the 2 best.

  • bpayne812-take two Mar 1, 2010
    Sports Legend

    better yet stick to medicine because I watched the entire tourney and if you couldn't tell that Canada and the US were the two best teams in the tourney then you don't know what you are talking about anyway

  • bpayne812-take two Mar 1, 2010
    Sports Legend

    Those were the two best teams in the tourney but nice try

  • mortonlipschitz Mar 1, 2010

    Greetings, friends (and enemas). Something stinks in Suburbia - and I don't mean the Bathroom Staal. Has it occurred to anyone that the Olympic tournament was rigged to set up a USA - Canada final? Well, it should.

    Thank you for your time.

    Morton Lipschitz, CPA, MD, PhD

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