banner
Joe Ovies

Losing is winning because America is awesome

Posted June 26

Winning or losing is all one organic mechanism, from which one extracts what one needs. Sometimes when you win, you really lose. For America, sometimes when you lose, you really win.

Germany defeated the United States 1-0 to win Group G in the World Cup, but America still advanced to the next round thanks to Portugal defeating Ghana 2-1. Both the United States and Portugal ended group play with four points, but the awesomest country on Earth was even awesomer in goal differential.

Mind blown, yet? That's math all up in your face, 'Merica! So grab your Capri Sun, snag your gluten-free snack and bite into that orange wedge, kids, we're moving on.

And our the best darn German who coaches America, Jurgen Klinsmann, has a message for all you haters.

America is so awesome that Portugal’s Cristiano Ronaldo wanted to see our country advance to the knockout stage of the World Cup. In fact, he owed it to the United States after he assisted on the tying goal in Sunday's crippling draw. Ronaldo's game-winning goal against Ghana became of the greatest heel-to-face turn of all time.

United States men's national soccer team goal keeper Tim Howard should also receive a Medal of Freedom from President Barack Obama. The highest civilian honor is the only appropriate way to reward him. Lady Liberty stood a little taller with every save in front of Germany.

Get on the bang wagon, fine citizens. This is the land of opportunity and our national team is about to spread freedom all over the Sweet 16 in Brazil. Exercise your rights to bear arms and flash the red, white and blue. Soccer is now American as apple pie.

27 Comments

This blogpost is closed for comments.

Newest First
View all
  • archmaker Jun 26, 4:36 p.m.

    I'm glad we are moving to the next round, but this article is an embarrassment to journalism.

  • archmaker Jun 26, 4:38 p.m.

    this article is so bad (how bad is it?)...
    it makes the comments section on this site appear like intelligent conversation.

  • archmaker Jun 26, 4:39 p.m.

    this article is so bad...
    that someone needs to go back to writing for buzzfeed.

  • caniac87 Jun 26, 4:50 p.m.

    I'm glad you said the same thing in 3 different comments to prove the exact same point.

  • Joe Ovies Jun 26, 4:59 p.m.

    It's so awful that you've come back to the comment section 3 different times!

  • kreddington Jun 26, 5:01 p.m.

    Congrats to Joe for being the tallest intellectual dwarf. He should be forced to write an extra article on some high school sport as punishment.

  • zanerxcubed Jun 26, 5:30 p.m.

    Wow, Joe, you are just so much smarter and cooler than everyone else. I never understood the principles of round robin play and tiebreakers before you (didn't) explain them to us. And I never understood before how totally uncool it was to enthusiastically root for one's country in a world-wide sporting event. I just despair at my unhipness as compared to you.

  • Wheelman Jun 26, 5:34 p.m.

    Most of out here are glad the US is doing well. Most of us also could really care less about soccer. I know it is the most popular game in the world. However, I have never been as happy in my life as I was when my kids gave up soccer for basketball. Soccer is even more boring than watching baseball or hockey on TV. So kudos to the USA over anyone!

  • BB5 Jun 26, 7:41 p.m.

    "For America, sometimes when you lose, you really win." Joe

    "Germany defeated the United States 1-0 to win Group G in the World Cup, but America still advanced to the next round thanks to Portugal defeating Ghana 2-1."
    Joe

    It ain't winning when others have to take care of your business for ya, big guy. Everybody grab a participation trophy on the way out.

  • Hammerhead Jun 26, 8:28 p.m.

    'Merica. Haven't worn that one out yet Joe?

More...

 

 

  • NFL: NY Giants at Washington

    Thursday at 8:25 pm on WRAL-TV

  • ACC: Western Michigan at Virginia Tech

    Saturday at 12:25 pm on WRAL-TV

  • SEC: Arkansas at Texas A&M

    Saturday at 3:30 pm on WRAL-TV

  • Larry Fedora Press Conference

    Tomorrow at 11:45 am on 99.9 The Fan

  • NFL: Chicago at NY Jets

    Tomorrow at 9:00 pm on 99.9 The Fan

Scoreboard
Local
Final
CAR 3
CLB 4
3rd
CAR 3
PIT 16
 
Final
NYY 5
TOR 2
Final
MIA 1
WAS 2
Final
BAL 2
BOS 3
Final
PIT 1
MIL 0
Final
ATL 2
NYM 10
Final
TAM 5
CWS 10
Final
MIN 2
CLE 7
Final
KAN 5
DET 2
Final
HOU 8
SEA 3
Final
CHC 5
LOS 8
Final
ANA 1
TEX 2
Final
OAK 8
PHI 6
Final
COL 8
ARI 3
Final
SDP 8
SFG 2
8th
STL 2
CIN 6
 
Final
CAR 3
CLB 4
Final
WAS 1
BUF 0
Final
CLB 4
STL 3
Final
EDM 3
CAL 1
 
Final
CAL 1
EDM 0
 
Final
CLE 21
BAL 23
Final
STL 31
DAL 34
Final
DET 19
GBP 7
Final
NYG 30
HOU 17
Final
JAC 17
IND 44
Final
NOS 20
MIN 9
Final
NEP 16
OAK 9
Final
BUF 10
SDC 22
Final
CIN 33
TEN 7
Final
PHI 37
WAS 34
Final
ARI 23
SFX 14
Final
SEA 26
DEN 20
Final
MIA 15
KAN 34
3rd
CAR 3
PIT 16