Losing is winning because America is awesome
Posted June 26, 2014
Winning or losing is all one organic mechanism, from which one extracts what one needs. Sometimes when you win, you really lose. For America, sometimes when you lose, you really win.
Germany defeated the United States 1-0 to win Group G in the World Cup, but America still advanced to the next round thanks to Portugal defeating Ghana 2-1. Both the United States and Portugal ended group play with four points, but the awesomest country on Earth was even awesomer in goal differential.
Mind blown, yet? That's math all up in your face, 'Merica! So grab your Capri Sun, snag your gluten-free snack and bite into that orange wedge, kids, we're moving on.
And our the best darn German who coaches America, Jurgen Klinsmann, has a message for all you haters.
America is so awesome that Portugal’s Cristiano Ronaldo wanted to see our country advance to the knockout stage of the World Cup. In fact, he owed it to the United States after he assisted on the tying goal in Sunday's crippling draw. Ronaldo's game-winning goal against Ghana became of the greatest heel-to-face turn of all time.
United States men's national soccer team goal keeper Tim Howard should also receive a Medal of Freedom from President Barack Obama. The highest civilian honor is the only appropriate way to reward him. Lady Liberty stood a little taller with every save in front of Germany.
Get on the bang wagon, fine citizens. This is the land of opportunity and our national team is about to spread freedom all over the Sweet 16 in Brazil. Exercise your rights to bear arms and flash the red, white and blue. Soccer is now American as apple pie.