Joe Ovies

My quest to buy the gaudiest PGA Championship outfit

Posted August 9

Welcome to the 2017 PGA Championship merchandise tent at Quail Hollow, where golf fans in Charlotte and their money are soon parted.

The sprawling swag palace has everything from balls and markers that'll run you a few bucks, to framed autographed course artwork and Omega watches that sell for a pretty penny. They'll slap a Quail Hollow logo on anything – wine decanters, Yeti tumblers, Vineyard Vines ties, luxurious tote bags and boxer shorts. Because, why not? There's no better way to remember your experience at a major golf tournament in Charlotte than oversized inflatable golf balls.

And the merchandise tent has polo shirts. So many polo shirts. Polo shirts as far as the eye can see. Solid colors, stripes and patterns. Polo shirts with ridiculous thread counts. Polo shirts with the latest in moisture wicking technology. There's probably enough that you can attend every golf tournament on the PGA Tour and never repeat a polo shirt.

I wanted to find the golf attire that could stand out in the Quail Hollow gallery. My quest began in the Nike section, but Rory McIlroy's assigned looks for the weekend didn't really do much for me.

PGA Championship polos

One section over inside the merchandise tent is Cutter & Buck, which featured polo shirts with college logos. Unfortunately, local listeners already think I'm biased against their favorite teams. I couldn't afford to buy or wear all three of these shirts at the same time, so I'll pass.

PGA Championship polos

FootJoy had a nice dot pattern available, but it still looked like a polo shirt I'd normally wear.

PGA Championship polos

After checking out the apparel sections of 47 Brand, Greg Norman, Ahead, Under Amour and a few others, I finally found the sort of style I could only get away with on a golf course. Ralph Lauren was my oasis in a land of nondescript. The first polo shirt to catch my eye was black with a dark blue circle pattern and a Quail Hollow logo on the sleeve.

PGA Championship polos

For those looking for a pattern reminiscent of your grandmother's curtains, Ralph Lauren also had this glorious floral pattern.

PGA Championship polo

However, I needed something brighter. Something that would stand out. Ralph Lauren's pink gingham polo shirt gets the job done.

PGA Championship polos

Having found the perfect polo, now I needed to find the right shorts to pair and bring it all together. Ralph Lauren's selection is easily the best in the merchandise tent. Check out the subtle turtle print on these shorts.

PGA Championship

Looking for plaid with flamingoes? Ralph Lauren has you covered.

PGA Championship pants

Check out this nautical-theme shorts with octopi and turtles. These could work nicely with the pink gingham.

PGA Championship pants

Then I found it. The shorts that perfectly compliment the pink gingham polo shirt. Bright green, with lobsters and crabs. Glorious.

PGA Championship pants

Ladies and gentlemen, this is how you stunt in the gallery.

PGA Championship polos

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