WRAL Sports Fan

RE: Jokes

wowowowowowowowowowowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. just wow. 

- Posted by jrj6950

The first definition was written for you. Have a nice day Cheech.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=politically%20correct 

- Posted by BBWAFRICANWOMAN

way to showcase that maturity. also, congrats on punching your 1st class ticket to the 9th rung of he!!. 

- Posted by jrj6950

Try not to tuck it anymore in public little man.

And now I'm going to go to he!!? LOL

16 years ago I beat ovarian cancer. Tell me I didn't and I will punch you in the face you feeble nimrod.

I bet you are one of those guys that wears a Duke hat, sweatshirt in the public. Most of those men are short twirpy looking dopes. Are you eyebrows an inch wide? Freak.  

- Posted by BBWAFRICANWOMAN

and the showcasing continues....

let me guess, you must be a UNC fan?

RE: Jokes

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo."

Jokes

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead. NC State University: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.

RE: Jokes

State Motto's

North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable

New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really!

Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner

Nevada: Hookers and Poker!

Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State

RE: Jokes

A man dressed in red and white walks into a bar in Chapel Hill with a dog. He asks the bartender if he can leave the dog there while he goes and watches State and Carolina play a football game. Bartender says no way. Man implores him, saying, "When State scores, he'll walk the length of your bar on his hind legs. When Carolina scores, he'll walk the length of your bar on his front legs. If State wins, he'll do flips all the way down your bar". The bartender says, "What will he do if Carolins wins?". The man said, "I don't know. He's only five years old."

(sent to me by a UNC friend.)

RE: Jokes

A State fan in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He lowered altitude and spotted a UNC fan in a boat below. He shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The UNC fan consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

The State fan rolled his eyes and said, "You must be a UNC fan."

"I am," replied the NC fan. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the State fan, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The UNC fan smiled and responded, "You must be a State fan."

"I am," replied the State fan. "But how did you know?"

"Well," said the UNC fan, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You've made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect ME to solve your problem. You're in EXACTLY the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now, it's MY fault.

RE: Jokes

A man dressed in red and white walks into a bar in Chapel Hill with a dog. He asks the bartender if he can leave the dog there while he goes and watches State and Carolina play a football game. Bartender says no way. Man implores him, saying, "When State scores, he'll walk the length of your bar on his hind legs. When Carolina scores, he'll walk the length of your bar on his front legs. If State wins, he'll do flips all the way down your bar". The bartender says, "What will he do if Carolins wins?". The man said, "I don't know. He's only five years old."

(sent to me by a UNC friend.) 

- Posted by tommybrownnc

Not bad for a Wolf Puppie. LOL

RE: Jokes

A State fan in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He lowered altitude and spotted a UNC fan in a boat below. He shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The UNC fan consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

The State fan rolled his eyes and said, "You must be a UNC fan."

"I am," replied the NC fan. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the State fan, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The UNC fan smiled and responded, "You must be a State fan."

"I am," replied the State fan. "But how did you know?"

"Well," said the UNC fan, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You've made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect ME to solve your problem. You're in EXACTLY the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now, it's MY fault. 

- Posted by Dreamchaser

funny, but true

RE: Jokes

Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?'' ''Yes, What can I do for you?'' '' I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith.... He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there.'' ''Thank you very much for the call, sir.'' The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood. but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. Shortly after the phone rings at Virgil's house. ''Hey, Virgil, This here's Floyd.... Did the Sheriff come?'' ''Yeah!'' '' Did they chop your firewood for the winter?'' ''Yep!'' ''Happy Birthday, buddy!'' Rednecks know how to git-R-done.

RE: Jokes

Sleeper' Space Aliens

Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claim an unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the US Air Force and the federal government.

However, you may well NOT know that in the month of March 1948, exactly nine months after that historic day, Albert Arnold Gore, Jr.; Hillary Rodham; John F. Kerry; William Jefferson Clinton; Howard Dean; Nancy Pelosi; Dianne Feinstein; Charles E. Schumer; and Barbara Boxer were born.

That piece of information has now cleared up a lot of things.